May 23, 2011 § 9 Comments
I have a bad reputation and I think its because of all the dumb stuff I do and all the parties I go to but I, on the inside don’t fit my reputation. People think that I always do the wrong thing they feel sorry for me when the things I tell them aren’t even that bad.
When I was younger my Daddy would drink and when he was drinking he would be mad and sometimes abusive. I know that my dad is a good man and I know that he loves me and my sisters, and I look up to my mother because, she has endured living with him for 18 years and she has taken the abuse but she stands by his side because of the ring around her finger that means until death do we part.
When I was younger my mother told me that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. My dad has been in and out of jail his whole life because of drugs. He would steal pain pills from my grandpas house and he would take money from my Mom’s purse and tell us not to tell anyone and the next night when my mom found out there would be yelling and fighting.
I haven’t lived an easy life. A big part of my life has been partying, drugs and alcohol. Parties every night and cleaning the house at 6A.M. because children services are coming in the morning. And I was about eleven when I found Jesus Christ. Well it’s more like he found me.
On the inside I feel like there’s a hurricane waiting to come out and on the outside I take no action and try to stay as calm as I can. But it all builds up to the point that you can’t take it anymore. I think that class is how well you can control your anger and how well you can help people with their problems and at the same time use their situations to solve your problems.
I would take the anger out on myself and burn myself and cut myself because I wasn’t sure about myself. I found me trying to kill myself everyday and trying to die but then I realised that I didn’t want to waste my life so I have been going on mission trips and donating money to children in need.
Class is just a word to me because, if you are ranking someone then you are judging them and I don’t think that’s right. You can classify someone about how they act but you don’t know what’s going on that persons life and you don’t know what’s going on in their head.
I know what it feels like to be judged and I know how it feels to be excluded from everyone else. I know what it feels like to have everyone thinking one thing about you but you know that it’s not true and you know that your not like that. I know how it feels to have everyone in the whole world against you. You feel small and defeated and you don’t know what way to go and no matter how hard you try you cant find your way back home. I know how it feels to be beaten within an inch of your life. I know how it feels to live in poverty and live in fear. I know how it feels to be hated.